UGH! this weather makes me think..

Why am i wasting my time, being a fool for you.
You ain't even worth it. My heart is hurting
cus' i'm the only one that cares. I better leave.
It ain't the way its suppose to be. You should do
better than that, and you should know better than that.
Something ain't right, i given my best and your just
taking advantage of my heart. Why couldn't you be a
little less insecure, baby.Been holding on so long,
I don't want to leave you... why?
I don't believe in love,
Cuz I still don't have you, I try.
My heart's attacked by the things you say,
My body's numb.
You're love is like last year...
It's over, it's done.

where the hell am i?

Never noticed how lost i am in this world already. I swear i'm getting eaten up alive, and i'm scared. I have no connection with God anymore :( Whenever i have problems, I just walk away from them. Ugh, I'm tired of it. Where did i go wrong from this? Now i'm back in to the horrible habbits i once had. It ain't a good feeling anymore. Why am i pushing God away? I never felt so scared. Not scared in the sense of dying. But spiritually scared. Where did my love for God go? Why am i pushing everything out of my life? I have never felt so lost and confused. Through all the problems i'm going through, I haven't once asked God for help. I keep thinking that i can do this all by myself. I know i thought wrong.

I don't wanna run anymore. So much stress has been put against me, such as school, family, and learning to keep up with everything else. It's been so hard. And still not getting enough sleep because i'm scared of dreaming. How horrible already. I'm tired of crying, stressin', thinking to much. It affected a lot of things. I need to start turning to God, because i know i can't do this alone.

i'm so so so sorrrry lord, i know i'm a sinnner. ):

mmhm,

i'm seriously hating sleeping, dreams of you are so speechless. i hate it already. stop. stop. stop. i know i'm stronger than this, GOD made me stronger than this. i'm depending on my faith that i have with god and thats how it's gonna be.

NYLON FASHION. my faavvvvvvv.

Stayin' strong

I'm still having dreams of you.. sad to say. But its true, i don't even wanna waste my time on complaining about them, cus' i'm just trying to ignore it. Although those dreams seeem worth wild, but they ain't happening in real life. I'm just gonna relax, and stay true to myself. I don't wanna rush into anything that will make myself look like an idiot. I ain't chasing pavements, i'm just following my heart. I know i'm stronger than this, and i know i'm better than this. I don't wanna be wasting my time cus' i ain't gonna be able to get it back. Even if i tell you, it wouldn't be enough. I'm just gonna build myself up, and stay strong. I know i will always be around for you, but when the time comes; it will come. I know my place, i'm just not to sure if i'm even ready for it. I know you have so much to do in life, like i said you're very well rounded and you're ahead of everything. But sometimes i think you think to much of you're wants instead of you're needs. You will know, I know you will. I'm not giving up on anything, i have so much faith in you. You yourself know what you can do. I just don't want you to be one of those people who take everything for granted and end up not knowing anything after. But i know you're better than that..

From, chaaaaan ;)

not saying this to shake you up, i'm saying this to wake you up

How dare you just fuckn use me, seriously it's getting old. I'm starting to give up on you, but I'm not losing faith. I swear i'm not, I know i'm stronger than this. I know for sure Gods in this with me too. But i'm tired of seeing you get all that you want, and i get nothing. I mean, stop being selfish -_- You already got everything that you need, and you still bother on asking me for things? If you haven't notice, which i think you dont, you only talk to me when you need something. Other than that, its nothing else. It ain't no, how are you doing type of thing. Its more like, can you do this for me? wtff, thats so rude. And everytime i do something for you, when it comes to geting something in return you're thank you's dont even sound meaningful. Its like you expect me to always do things for you. But excuse me, just because i'm a nice person and i like to help out doesnn't give you the right to take advantage of what i'm giving you. I was afriad of this, but i'd take the blame cus i know i let it go out of hand. I know you're happpy, and i should be happy too. But you brought out the best of me, and now its like nothing. I'm done chasing walking my pavement. I ain't going back, its to hard. I'm not quiting on my faith, I'm quiting on yoou. I know theirs no chance. But i was always there, and i promised myself that i was never gonna leave. I swear i'm not. I was real from the beginging, and i still will be real with ya' till the end. I have so much faith in you, and i know for shure that you can go really far in life. I don't wanna see you fall on your face, or trip on anything. But i don't know if i'm gonna be here anylonger. Who knows, i might just be in the way yenno. I know you're down for herrrrrrrrrr. But ask you're self and be sure if she's down for being commited to you're heart and not just taking it because she wants to fill in that empty space. It's hard to seee this happening, but my eyes are fogggging up and i'm thinking that its time to go? I've already had about 68 dreams about you in a row. I know its weird that i'm counting, but it's yooooooou. you're like one of the most beautiful amazing breath taking person that i have met. well okkaky, the only beautiful amazing breath taking person that i have met. And i'm not gonna lie about that. But as i seee from now, you turned ugly. But just remember, that i was always there ):