i'm fcking up my own damn life. what the hell am i doing, putting myself in this position. so naails i swear. i'm done with the drugs, the stoges, the 'scenes', the love for money. it ain't even worth it, foreals. its all fckn temporary happiness. it ain't forever nor forever & a day. it's days, or hours. why the hell am i settling for something so much less. i know that god has a plan in my life, but why am i walking away making like i know where the fck i'm going? i'm picking up my own habits, i ain't even consider those around me. i'm being so damn selfish. i'm letting god down, and i'm just pushing him away. i'm only fighting myself, and i'm letting everything biuld up.
i don't even know where the hell my relationship with god went. i have know clue where i am in life. i'm over my head in everything, thinking that taking drugs and smoking will make me feel better, who am i to say that its the best thing in the world when god doesn't even apprrove. i'm being such a little fckn bitch, running away from everything. it ain't cool anymore, using my moms own money to buy me those things.. how fcuked up can i be! seriously -_- i ain't even thinking about anyone but myself, and how i wanna feel. not once have i turned to god, and asked him for help in this situation. although god wants me to ask for help, i'm scared to even ask for help.
i'm getting eaten alive in life